Foxed - Out Fox The Fox!

The Seventh

2012-02-13T12:35:00.000Z

The seventh was the last to arrive and being filled with fresh naivety and wholly unworldly was far too trusting of the sixth and the fifth, the fourth being of a more sensible sort saw their malicious intent, unfortunately for the fourth the third was sympathetic of the sixth and the fifth and filled with jealousy at the attention being lavished on the seventh, took steps to take the fourth out of picture and via the fifth and the sixth be rid of the seventh.

The third with watchful eyes spied the fourth the fifth and the sixth, caring little for the seventh as it wouldnt last long under the gaze of the fifth and the sixth, the third had always been envious of the second with its immediate proximity to the first, the second being content with its position became overly comfortable with its place knowing that in time the second would become the first and the third the second, feeling that time would take its natural course, that and the second was quite lazy and perpetually over-encumbered compared to the third through to the sixth.

The first growing tired of the second to the sixth had other plans entirely, having been there the longest and witnessing the mindless bickering of the others had decided that the second to the sixth were too bothersome to entertain any longer and planned to escape with the seventh, who being fresh and impressionable could be groomed into a second second and together they could find a second third to the seventh.

With the second to the sixth fighting amongst themselves over the seventh, the first took the seventh away, unfortunately for the first, the seventh had watched intently the second to the sixth and in that brief time decided it didnt like what might become of itself if it remained in the care of the first like the sixth to the second before it.

Being in such proximity, the seventh waited for the right time to be rid of the first, during their first night a fled from the second to the sixth a fabrical smothering to the face of the first was the parting gift from the seventh.

Now the seventh who would have been second second was now considered first, but after witnessing the depravity of the first to the sixth would the seventh now the first really want a second second or a second third like the other first to the sixth?

In fear that the second seventh would feel the same towards the second first as the first seventh did towards the first of the first, the second first the former seventh decided upon itself to remain without the company of a second, denying the existence of a second seventh.

Seventh to the first,

Second to none.

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Somewhat randomly wrote this without intention, there's a moral to the story in there somewhere.

Father?

2011-04-19T00:31:00.001+01:00

I once thought the father I had was my only father, until mother found another and then, I found, the first father wasn't really my father, but another, another was with mother but not the father of my brother or the others, another, another was my father.

True Story Brah.

*Wipes Tears*

I might

2011-01-13T19:27:00.003Z

I might not ever get a gold medal,

I might not ever fly to the moon,

I might not ever find the cure for cancer,

I might not ever be on the cover of a magazine,

I might not ever hold that special someone,

I might not ever win the lottery,

I might not ever see my children's children,

I might not ever do anything with my life,

I might let someone else have the chance,

I might make a difference,

I might be a hero,

I can give blood.

Perhaps you think you might not have the money or the smarts to make a difference on the grand scale of things, perhaps you don't have the effort inside to get up and get a job to better your life or the lives of those around you.

Perhaps you enjoy doing nothing, but at least for once give your life some purpose... do something.

Regardless of these facts, there is one thing within you that is in ample supply and can do more good than you can ever imagine.

Take a day out of your routine to help make a difference to someone, anyone.

Find out more at:

www.blood.co.uk

Once Upon A Time.

2010-09-16T19:59:00.000+01:00

I've seen these words before, once upon a time.

Perhaps not written in the same way, a different message each time, but familiar all the same

Regurgitated, Rejigged, Repurposed, Recycled.

But always the same words, just from another mouth, another pen, another key.

With bright curious eyes I've read them from a book, heard them echoed off the walls, from the preacher back at me.

Words encumber our surroundings, leaking from our heads, saturating the world, they make us stop and stare with a bleary-eyed glare

Some take these words for gospel, some give them little time nor care.

With so many things being said, being written, being forced into our eyes

It's hard to summarise the truth from the lies.

At least I can say for now, these words are mine.

But who's to say they wont be another's, once upon a time.

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I wanted to write something, I don't know why.. I just wanted to fill a gap, a void, my time!

Mildly Melancholy, Pensive Folly!

2010-06-03T16:36:00.000+01:00

I find myself twiddling my thumbs a lot more lately, staring longingly off into the distance at things that aren't there, thinking a lot about things that really do not require much thought, worrying more than I should about the littlest of things.

Wasting time on projects that prove to have absolutely no benefit to myself or others around me.. but strangely enough with the lack of things I do and the non-physical self harm I am causing myself in not pursing activities that would improve my life.. at the core of it all

I'm still.. quite

Happy doing nothing.

I do want to do something, to please others, but for the life of me.. I cant decide what.

Indecision is a bastard.

I don't want to become like the other people I know 10-15-20 years from now.

-_-

(Oh Mah Gawd, McEmo)

On another note! I've started sorting through all my material belongings and began the selling spree, most of my items/media/collectables I can get digitally now if I really so want to view them again.

It seems such a waste to fill up shelves with items that sure look nice and are probably a conversation piece when I have visitors but well, I'm sure a snazzy picture of a giant bear-wrestling a salmon or something would look more awesome than a fudge-load of books.

Also I freakin' hate dusting.

Booyah!

I like to play with myself...

2010-05-20T16:41:00.001+01:00

and with others!

But sometimes, the anti-socialite inside wants to break away from the warm company of others and hide myself away in my own little world within digital worlds.

Don't get me wrong, I love playing with others!

I Relish in the awesome that is had when blowing chunks out of someones face from half the world away, only to hear the heartfelt thanks from a team-mate who was moments away from being brutally stabbed up by your unknowing victim.

The thrill of crossing the finish line as your friends trail behind you in a crumpled wreck of you induced fail.

Giggling manically as you bring down the Pwnage upon new players to those games you have played for oh so long.

Playing casual fun games on the Wii with people that never normally play games and toning down your skill level so as not to cause them to hate playing with you forever.

Are all part and parcel of being a Social-Gamer.

But I miss the day's of going around a friends house and playing some Golden-Eye on the N64, whoring their electricity bill and nibbling on their foods.

Sure I can go around a mates house now and play games with them.. but why would I want to leave the warmth and comfort of my own gaming space.

With my shiny TV, my snuggly chair and my sound setup!

and when we've had enough of each others company all it takes is the flick of a switch to part ways instead of the awkward goodbyes and the travel arrangements, but then again maybe some people enjoy the faffing about in-between.

Curse you technology for making me somewhat less social than before!

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Making Friends

I really use to enjoy playing games online a lot more than I do now, mostly before they introduced the Party Chat Systems.

I'd remember having some of the best conversations with random people now of whom you rarely get to talk to now seeing as they've all been snagged up in their own private chats within chats.

You'll sometimes feel as if you are actually playing by yourself online in a number of these games, sure you could just get some mates together and join their chat.. but what if you want to take a break from your circle and instantly meet up with some new ones online.

Generally I find it's just the squeaky douche-bags left in the in-game chats because none of their friends want to party with them.

I wish more games introduced forced game chat like Modern Warfare 2. At-least it makes team-games a bit more fun when you can actually get some team-based harassment on the go.

So even when I don't want to play by myself online, sometimes it feels as if I am anyway.

Fail-Cakes!

A solution to this would be to join a gaming related forum find some dudes to play with and go about it that way… but i use to just love the random characters you'd meet hopping through the inter-webs.

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There was no real purpose to this little post, just a random splurge of text in a vast open space.. filled with many other random verbal dribbling's all cumulating into one giant globule of semi-useless information we regard as the internet

Customer Relations & Upsales

2010-03-28T20:57:00.002+01:00

The following information may seem familiar to you, if it does then the work is half-done, you're already somewhat accomplished at what you do and your constant struggle to remove the customer of their money is all that bit simpler.

Even if the line of work you are in isn’t commission based, it still doesn’t mean you can’t be just as dedicated as the guy getting a percentage from every sale... knowing you can do that just makes it even more worthwhile for when you decide to give the topsy-turvy world of commission based sales a go!

If the person in front of you has a rough idea of what they want, what you suggest or imply in the next following moments will generally dictate what they walk out of the store with!

Try and imagine you’re purchasing that item, most customers like the personal approach when it comes to buying… if you show a great interest, without trying to be over-enthusiastic, expressing your opinion on the product at hand you’ll find they tend to fall into a sense of security and generally go with what you suggest more often than not, Wouldn’t you be more inclined to buy something from someone who seems to at least know the first thing about the product and might even have one themselves, over the generic store-clerk/salesman who cares little for the products they sell?

Most of you by now will come to understand while selling, you’re playing a little game with the other person involved:

They want something.
You want them to want what you have.
You need to assess what you can get them to want, from what you have.
Get them to buy what you need them to buy depending on your targets for that day.

Smile, take into account that many little factors affect your ability to sell an item, be it the words coming from your mouth or the body-language you display; some people don’t notice that the physical actions of themselves and in some cases you can alter the course of a sale by generating a negative effect… I mean you’re not going to really get the message across by talking to a customers feet, or chatting away while your attention is on something else in the store, a customer should feel as if they have your un-divided attention if your in the middle of promoting something to them.

Remember most of the people buying from you will not be the final users of the products in question, assessing the needs of the end user is usually your goal and by finding out the needs/wants you can correctly gauge the right items that you should suggest for purchase, while also keeping in mind you have your own targets to fulfil be it Pre-owned or attachments, drop suggestions at suitable, relevant intervals to the customer.

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The Usual Suspects

The following examples of your customer base might seem a little crude, but in-fact if you think about it the descriptions are quite true of the people you will be interacting with on a daily basis, you might know some of them quite well… very well.

The “Oh, I would never shop here normally” Customer:

This customer is your nemesis, 8/10 Times they will rarely be interested in anything you have to offer apart from the item they have scrawled on the scrap of paper given to them, this is the customer who’s bag definitely get’s stuffed with more promotional material and leaflet’s than anyone else, simply because they wont care what you have to say.

You’ll generally find this customer is buying products on behalf of someone else, selling items such as Warranties/Store-Cards/Add-On’s are nightmarish even if you explain the benefits of the services, if a member of their family has a store-card getting a post-code out of them can sometimes be as difficult as getting blood out of a stone.

This customer will usually enter and vacate your store with the items on their list before you have the chance to explain anything anyway; they are more suited to stream-lined minimal social interaction, quick-sale process, in which your opinion means less to them than the scar’s their overly large carrier bags are leaving on the earth.

The “But it’s Cheaper Online?!” Customer:

Moments after greeting said customer you’ll have your ear’s assaulted with, “This is £5 Cheaper on your website” which you will generally respond with “You’ll find in most places you shop now their online stores are cheaper, than the retail outlets”

With which you’ll usually get an odd-look and a follow up of “But it’s the same shop?!” With which you’ll summarise the entire conversation with “You’re probably paying extra for the high level of customer service, not available online”

By this time they’ll either curl up in a ball huddling their knees praying for the warmth of their computer screen, or the more common choice of just buying it.

You’ll find they tend to buy the item in question out of spite of themselves seeing as they could have purchased it there and then at home, rather than spending even more money travelling to your store only to have to go home and redo the original process they rescinded.

The “Specialist” Customer:

They know exactly what they want and generally don’t need you to tell them what they should be buying, coming in-store during their lunch breaks or after-work for their fill of shopping therapy.

A majority of this class of customer are Store-Card holders, and tend to appreciate in-store offers more than other’s.

You’ll find on quiet day’s when there’s not much in the way of traffic within the store you can have a nice conversation with these customers about the current affairs within the field in which you sell, they tend to appreciate your input’s on the items they are purchasing and give some back, they are largely what you hope every customer would be.

The “Regular” Customer:

You’ll find after working in any-store for a period of time, you’ll come across customers that visit a majority of week-day’s purchasing items for themselves or family members on a regular basis, you’ll find these customers tend to know your name and seek out certain staff members for help on specific subjects.

These are the customers you’ll notice actually smile when they see you, to build up relationships like that with customers is a great thing for both parties, but mainly for the company, what you must remember is that person will come into this store to ask or purchase something mainly because of the Service that you personally have given them, friends/family members of that customer will revel in the experiences of that customer and come here expecting the same level of service with which the original customer experienced, with each member of the public you greet the impression you give upon them reflects back on the companies image, over and over.

It also might boost your ego to know, that customer returns just because of you!

(Or perhaps your store’s just closer than anyone else’s… and you have Air-Conditioning)

The “Many Happy Returns” Customer:

This customer has the same feel as the “Regular” except they have the complete opposite goal, they visit your store yet, attempt to refund items on a regular basis, even if you explain to them the limitations of the returns policy within your store.

You’ll find that a majority of your time spent with this customer is re-assuring them that they are in the wrong and that you can’t help them with their current problem… most of the time they’ll go away on their own or settle on an exchange of the item.

In the extreme cases they will “Demand” to speak to a manager/senior member of staff, in which another 5-10 minutes of store time will be wasted only for the customer to be given the “Customer Service’s Number”

Don’t worry within a week’s time they usually re-appear with another product in the same situation,

The “Discount for Cash” Customer:

These are the only customer I personally dislike, you can generally spot this customer straight away by the simple fact they want to change whatever deal you currently offer, for something completely different which in no way reflects the original offer.

Alarm bells should shortly ring within your head to pull this one back over in your control as quickly as possible, this customer will attempt to barrage you verbally with their demands on what you should be selling them, fortunately for you the bonus of having visual aid’s gives you something to point at as a reference, the already established deals are there for a reason..

In most cases you personally can’t alter them in any-way and to do so would defeat the hard work the marketing team puts into designing/publishing/promoting our offers.

Explain that these deals are planned out the same in all our stores and that there is no possibility of swapping the products around, in the nicest way possible of-course.

Even if the customer is disheartened at this fact remind them that after purchasing the packages the products are theirs to do with as they wish, which very well could entail them trading items back into store, with which to purchase the items they originally wanted. (An option open to you if your store happens to handle pre-owned goods.

Fresh Pre-Owned products for us… the items they want for them, it’s all about suggesting the right thing at the right time… and even better if the item’s they want are available in pre-owned form, it’s win, win!

Hopefully those examples give you a little feel of the sort of customers you’ll be dealing with day-in day-out, remember those are just a few of the many varied types of people you will meet, to list them all would require more effort on my behalf and my fingers are getting a little bit achy talking about these wonderful people!

The Power of Suggestion!

If in the event you don’t happen to have the items the customer originally wanted, don’t let that stop them from spending money in your store., remember its burning a hole in their pockets..

Inform them of the frequency of our deliveries, give them our number, and be helpful without making them feel as if you’re desperate for a sale...

Because you’re not!

Say for instance the customer originally wanted a popular and in high demand item… Sold-Out!!

Oh well scratch spending ££££ in your store, off the money waddles to your nearest competitor… or suggest interest in other similar products available… there’s no harm in asking and more often than not the customers tend to ask questions about the other products, sometimes it leads to a more profitable out-come than them just turning their back on you, as you wave good-bye to that wad of cash!

Mention the Pro’s & Cons of purchasing one item over another, one needs accessories and constant attention for its maximum potential where-as the other is all inclusive and requires little thought and maintenance, tiny little thing’s affect the customers mind-set on what they originally wanted to purchase, just mentioning that a machine doesn’t support a certain feature that other more expensive products in the same range do, might throw the customer to purchase another product that does, little things make big money.

Perhaps you don’t have the greatest amount of time in which to verbally promote a product due to the vast quantity of customers swarming into your store, it’s hard to balance out Customer Service and Efficient Till-Work when you have a queue of 20 people looking in your general direction… with their beady little eye’s filled with hate, over the person holding up the queue with their constant sales patter, so its best to have a floor-man on standby to handle any and all queries, Leaving your till staff free to process those valuable transactions over those busy holiday periods.

Don’t let that phase you in any-case, even if the odds are against you and there’s a vast amount of work to be done there’s always room for profit, personally, when operating the till side of things, I still tend to link items into the sale depending on the content’s of the customers basket, no matter how busy There is always room for a little more money in your till.

If a customer cant wait for you to serve another persons needs they don’t want that item nearly as much as they thought they did, I bet they won’t complain about you offering the same service to them as the customer that came before.

There’s only one thing worse than obnoxious customers, and that’s obnoxious staff, think for a moment how many stores you go into yourself… do you get the same level of service you give in your store anywhere else? I bet you can’t honestly say you get the same level of service in many other stores than you’d expect to give in your own.

The only thing that may annoy you at this fact is that they might be getting paid more than you for doing less, and getting to be an arse at the same time! (Saying that I’d rather you were polite no matter how much you were being paid… politeness doesn’t cost a thing!)

For example a customer purchasing a product might not be actively looking for a spare part or accessory for it yet… but what’s the harm in asking? It takes a few seconds more than your normal sale, yet can bump up your sales.

Even if you ask 5 customers that question in your entire shift and only 3 take you up on your offer, that’s 3 extra items you would never normally have sold without the customer asking you first, most of the time the customer handing you the product has only got that item in their mind... even if they cant afford what you’ve suggested for them to buy you’ve planted a seed in their mind of what to look out for next time.

(You’ll get ‘em eventually)

Suggestive Sales are a major contributor to growth within your store, if you don’t touch on things the customer “could” want, you’re missing out on potential sales.

Up-selling is a key piece in our growth, especially Store-Brand Items seeing as they are produced within the company, the profits fall solely back on us without any sort of middle-man to nip away at any revenue gained from their sales, well except the tax-man but we wont mention him.

Pre-Owned and Store-Branded items are specifically the two most important things you have to sell in your store!

This was meant to be a short look over the groups of customers that fall into our stores and an insight into getting a little bit more out of your customers; it seems to have turned into more of an essay than a brief look into those subjects.

Huzzah!

Getting To The Chopper!

2010-03-27T22:06:00.006Z

At times in life, you'll find fate forces you to make a life or death dash for escape.

Whether its something as trivial as an interplanetary trophy hunter with a penchant for polishing human skulls or even flesh eating zombies, sometimes you just have to put on your best running shoes, look dead ahead and make a break for that chopper.

You might find that at times you may have to tread on your loved ones, the ones you have worked with, the ones you call friends.. but.. if it means you can make it to the chopper in one piece, push them aside and go for that bird!

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try.. that helicopter just seems out of reach.

Getting Dafoe'd is the worst case scenario...

On a more serious note, never try and go for the same chopper Chuck Norris has anything to do with, especially while in the Philippines, judging by this HBO report on people getting to choppers, people who share choppers with Norris have a higher mortality rate than standard passengers.

Also, never victory dance/star-jump/lift up a loved one/child underneath a helicopters rotary blades.. no video is required for an explanation for that one.

A Battlefield Moment: Recon

2010-03-26T15:22:00.004Z

A snowflake falls past your window, on a beautiful winters morning, nothing but white on the horizon, the crack of a rifle breaks the silence, the last bullet from your magazine spent upon the forehead of a russian infantryman canvassing the terrain with a shower of crimson.

Your pistol is not enough company, his comrades storm the building which you've deemed your nest, the sound of angry shouts and fury filled footsteps fill the creaky wooden interior of the house.

You know what's coming as you look towards the entrance to the roof.. in a few moments a grenade will seal your fate.. no one likes your kind and they'll take great joy in making you regret your career choice, your prospects for future employment are not looking so good.

Unfortunately for the men that have just entered your domain the support struts of your nest are so neatly decorated with C4, throwing your final charge against the opposite end of the roof you back up against a wall with only moments to spare.

Detonator in hand, you squeeze the trigger, a high pitched squeak tweaks at your ears, the sound of the blast below masked by the roof in-front of you being ripped apart as you jump clean through the smoke into the cold winters air, concussed and bruised the fall might have hurt you but no where near as much as the unfortunate soldiers who were so eager to ventilate you for what you did to their friends.

What at some point was someones family home, filled with good mornings and hearty cheer now all that is heard is the sound of splitting timber, smashing glass and screams of pain filling the cold snapped air as you disappear into the forest, Ghillie suit and all, its time to resupply and find a new nest.

Welcome to the Battlefield

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On another note, I've been without an Xbox for 2 weeks now *Cries*

OH HOW I MISS IT SO!

Not Suitable For Children!

2010-03-25T21:19:00.003Z

With all the Hoo-Hah lately about young children and gaming. It seems all of these people who are strongly against video games, protesting wildly that they are a negative influence on them and they should be banned/sacrificed for the greater good seem to have over-looked one major factor in this little debate they keep having over and over again.

All of the things mentioned time and time again, are not meant for kids in the first place and if they'd at-least do a little research they'd probably understand that in greater detail, children are highly influenced by the things they perceive around them, whether that influence might be a piece of media or an abusive parent these things change an effect them in way's which may or may not become evident now or later on in life.

In my place of work you could refer to me as a peddler of these "Horrific, Corrupting, Sexist, Addicting" products, hell lets refer to me as a Dealer of Corruption.

The only trouble is that I cant sell to children, I'm legally bound, for fear of losing my job and any hopes of employment in similar fields, oh and a cash fine or prison sentence, as is the threat for pretty much anyone else in my position.

I try my best to keep the moral scales in balance but there is only so much I can do before an angry parent questions me for being inquisitive over what their child can and cannot buy.

I have to abide every-day and with every sale to the rules laid out before me to ensure I don't corrupt the minds of the innocent, naive children, with their educated, loving morally high-ground seated parents who so happily purchase these 18 rated games, with nothing but a smile upon their faces as they hand me their hard earned cash in exchange for entertainment because they know for sure that their child will be fine with this new game they so graciously deserve.

In reality the parent has bought the item in question for the child to keep them quiet, with little to no care for the content of the game, other than its intended effect of silencing the child long enough for themselves to go about their own tasks, playing farm-ville on face-book or repeats on TV perhaps.

As a recent poke at the games industry, we saw such a delightful debate on.. wait for it...

The Alan Titchmarsh Show

I hear they have their finger on the pulse of media.

These people much like a large majority of hate-mongers for these games don't seem to understand that these forms of entertainment, are categorically not made to entertain children.

Very much in the same sense that the top shelf of a newsagent is not made for children, its on the top shelf for a reason.. it has a physical restriction to stop the child from getting at it.

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Common Sense 101

Many things can negatively influence a child, especially if they were never intended for a child to get a hold of them in the first place, that's why in our big wide wonderful world of laws, rules and regulations, there are age requirements on a vast number of items available in our world.

There's no need to demonise something because someone else gets some sense of joy out of it, no point in calling something addictive and soul destroying, because that label can quickly be slapped onto anything at a moments notice.

Aslong as the thing in question is given to its intended audience, used correctly and controlled how it should be, then no one other than its intended user would ever come to harm, through no fault but their own.

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Whilst we are here, I'll gladly point out a range of every day items that if left alone with a child would possibly cause them harm both mentally and physically!

GAMES

GTA, Heavy Rain, CoD: MW2 All strangely come with adult age ratings on, have gang violence, child abduction and war... better keep these horrible things away from the children... something tells me they shouldn't be playing them.

FILMS

Scum, Saw, A Clockwork Orange.. all such great adult themed films one with some fun for all the family prison shower scenes, another with some lovely limb removal and extreme pain and finally one with a bit of the old ultra-violence.

Hobo-Killin' Tastic.

LITERATURE

(That's Like, Books and Stuff)

Kama Sutra, Mein Kampf, The Anarchist Cookbook... Such great, great titles that every family member surely cannot live without reading... AT-LEAST ONCE, Huddle up on the sofa and get intimate with your family, explore the mind of the Fuhrer in great detail, or learn how to insight rebellion through the heart of a nation.

PREDATORS

They could be in your child's classroom, lurking in a bush, in a closet, under a bale of hay, in a tree, on a mountain-top, on a bicycle, on a boat, the baby-sitter who's only a child herself, the Au Pair, your doctor, your neighbour, that guy you play squash with.

You know that chat-room your kid talks to his/her friends on nightly... my god.. they could even be there.. YES... ON THE INTERNET... *Gasps*

Anyone and Everyone, Wants Your Child.

So just to be safe, I'd suggest keeping them away from pretty much everyone, including yourselves... just.. just to be safe.

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In The End

Parenting, yes everyone loves being told how to teach their children, its always the parents fault for how a child turns out blah blah blah.

Well It all comes down to the guardian of the child ultimately, not the makers of an item.

You and you alone mould that child in your own image, sure over the years a parent has lost some of the power they use to have over what you can and cannot do to discipline them but that does not mean you are powerless, you can control what comes into your home and what your children see and hear.

If you decide to sit back in your comfy chair watching day-time television while your child stares blankly at a screen for hours on end, while its meant to be at school or doing its homework then that is your own decision, your choice to let that child waste away there.

But you are the one at fault, not the media, not the hard-working people bringing you these forms of entertainment to feed their own families.

Common Sense and Morals are the foundations you should be setting for your child, that and taking a keen interest in what they do.. with games for example sure there are nasty ones out there, but there are far more family orientated titles out there waiting to be played, so instead of letting your kid sit there shooting people half the world away over the internet, why don't you pick up a controller and play along?

Find out what it is your kid likes about these games, its far easier to ignore your child and let them get on with their own thing, but in the long run ultimately more rewarding when your child knows their parents are into the same things they are instead of only meeting up at meal-times then disappearing off.

Simplified:

Some toy's are meant for grownups, and some are meant for children.

Little Children shouldn't be allowed to play with grownups toys, they might get hurt.

Phew, that was taxing.

Avatars, Personas, Technology and Gnomes

2010-03-23T16:32:00.007Z

When you get home, from your place of work.. where you meet with those same people every-day, with the same smile, the same tone of voice, the same expression.. the same small feeling of contempt that each holds within them for those around us, even if we don't like to admit it nor show it, it's there secretly festering in our minds hidden within the persona we project onto these people, the person on the outside whom you let others see.When you reach your door and leave the outside world, who do you become? Where do you go?What is your flavour of escapism?Into the arms of a loved one? Maybe a good book? Study? Television? Games?For some, another world is the answer.Perhaps you are one of many that escape from the shackles of the outside world by entering another, taking on another form so to speak in a digital plane, free from constraint and unbound by the normal rules of the self.Even with the advancement of technology and tracking, the individual still has a high level of anonymity when using the internet and that to some extent can empower a user to do and say things which in their physical form would normally refrain from doing so, shielded behind their glowing screens and worn keyboards even the smallest of voices can travel the longest of distances.A brief example of that would be, people who are socially awkward with physical interaction can over-come that online, being that the only representation of themselves is either a Username, or some sort of Digital Avatar of which they can tailor to suit their social needs, which in turn can be used to strengthen even their real social skills.. an online confidence builder of sorts.A person with a stutter has no fear of falling over their words when typing, a verbal tourettes sufferer wouldn't type their ticks into a conversation, A person with a facial disfigurement that shy's away from the outside world due to the cruelty within the minds of others can converse and socialise without the slightest worry of what the others mind is on. (Honestly, if something appears even the slightest bit out of shape even the purest of souls and the kindest of hearts has a moment of contemplation over how thankful they are themselves for not suffering a visible abnormality) A cripple can explore the world at their own leisure without any worries over physical accessibility, no denial of access due to the lack of a ramp and the assistance of another.Simple Examples for the extremest of cases.-----------------------------------------It also means people who are the bottom rung of humanity can spout offensive nonsense and hate from every orifice without fear of their true identities being revealed, thankfully even in these online worlds within our world there is always a form of justice, police, moderation.When you first dive into this digital world there's one simple rule you must undertake untill you find yourself settled and accustomed to the strange traditions within this placeTRUST NOTHING AND NO-ONE (Might seem a little extreme but hey, its true, just wait)No matter how nice a person or site may seem, no matter how much they may want to help you, or that which they have to offer is wanted by yourself so greatly, even with these things remember an online world is still a world populated by people.. and no matter how much you sugar coat it people will still try to cause misery for personal gain.Unless the environment in which you are going to do something in is secure with safeguards in place and policies protecting you during any sort of transaction or interaction with another digital being online, take a moment to think what you are doing and the ramifications that will follow if you are being deceived.There are so many pitfalls online that I've heard/seen/tested over the years and some of them so very simple, to let yourself fall folly to them is an easy task when you think yourself above deception, even a simple email from someone whom you think of as a friend could be an attempt at breaking into your online accounts, if someone gets into say your social networking account that person in effect has stolen your identity and can begin deforming your online avatar at will.Back-peddling a little, having a little bit of Paranoia online is a healthy thing to have, instead of looking over your shoulder in the real world at-least online you can check-up on people/sites quickly with the help of the internet itself or by asking other peoples opinions that you know on the matter at hand.-----------------------------------------
With all the benefits an online persona brings to our lives, there should be a place where we ourselves draw a very thick line, dividing the the two completely, for fear of the two becoming wholly the digital one. It's very easy and tempting to disconnect from the outside world when the one inside the comfort of your own home has so much more to offer in terms of instant entertainment, information, security and even now more and more social interaction, you can be elsewhere and yet still here.The one worry I have had over the years is if I found a way to work from home, I'd never leave my house.. I mean everything one could ever want or need is accessible from the click of a button, thankfully/unfortunately whichever way you look at it I have not fallen into that bracket yet, but if I did a balance would need to be kept, balance which I will touch on later.For one if you walk down a dark ally online, the worst that you might incur is a virus or someone trying to get information out of you, where as in reality you might find yourself on the end of a knife clutching your chest in agony as you wish you'd just downloaded that movie off of iTunes instead of going to the video store.Much of the mundane tasks we would do from day to day can all be done from the comfort of a couch, bill paying, food shopping, insurances etc. etc. and costing us less and less time and money to complete these tasks than would normally be wasted taking a direct physical approachUnfortunately with all these benefits there is a cost for using your digital persona, perhaps not something such as your sociality but more your physicality, in doing less you must do more to counter the effects of doing less, this is something that people don't seem to understand as a side-effect of the technological advancements we make.When you make something easier, it requires less effort, less effort requires less physical presence, when you do less physically, you physically become less.Or in the case of some (most), you do less, you gain more. (Weight)Juggling what should be done using technology and what should be done using an analogue physical medium is hard when their are so many varying levels of effort and reward at play, a simple example I'll use is a man turning screws into wood, he could use a power drill and have the job done in record time with the minimal of physical effort, or he could use a manual screw driver taking far more effort and time but bolstering his strength in that area of muscle and leaving him with a greater sense of accomplishment at completing his task.Another would be the sending of a photograph to a friend in another country, via email from conception to reception would take mere moments, via physical means the process of printing.. getting an envelope, a stamp, going out of your way to find a postbox then waiting for delivery and the possibility of it being lost on the way. (also the chances of being run over/mugged/hit by falling waste from a plane) sure you might have enjoyed the walk, but in retrospect you could still be talking to that friend right now as you both enjoy the picture together, instantly.Technology as always, makes things easier for us all, those examples are simple ones but there are far greater ones to mention with which we take for granted on a daily basis and perhaps sometimes rely on far too much than what is good for us. (Transport and food mainly)Keeping a balance is the problem and the only ones to blame for not keeping that balance is solely ourselves with how much effort we are willing to saddle on technologies shoulders, we stupidly are too smart for our own good.--------------------------------------------------- Anyway, back to personas.As a small case study I will tell you a little bit about myself and the effects of indulging a little too much into an online world more so than your own.Who Am I Today?My name is RichardI am currently 24 years old, nearing my 25th Birthday.I do not smoke, do not drink, two important social accessories which seem to go hand in hand with each other as a standard of which neither I enjoy being near or watching others indulge in grossly.I have my own opinions and my mind is my own, I am not tainted by another's misguided faith.. all I have is my own beliefs and views of the world as it stands.Since leaving school and even before that, I have had no real role-model to follow or even a figure in the media nor literature of which to base myself upon or mould, no idea of what I wanted to be and still even too this day, like so many I am still unsure of which direction I want to take, so time is something with which I have thrown around with great abandonment.My job is considered a social one being that I deal with people every-day in a retail environment talking in great detail about what a customer wants and needs, if you were to meet me in that place you would not think of me as being the slightest bit anti-social, in fact you might find that my enthusiasm to inquire and probe almost verges on an interrogation (albeit a nice, non torture related one in which you purchase what you actually need, not what you want.)In a non-work environment I honestly find it hard to socialise with others, its not for a lack of things to talk about.. or even a confidence issue it solely comes down to something so silly it annoy's me, Boredom.The internet has spoiled me."We could be having this same conversation while doing something", I know my attention should be focused solely on the other person right there but after years of digital stimulus, when in the company of others sitting there drinking, eating, boredom floods the mind so very quickly.. it's almost painful to sit for an extended period of time without some kind of visual aid to help me along... even something as simple as watching a film while chatting is enough to keep me while in the company of others.As you can probably tell from any previous material I have written, I have a slight problem in channelling my attention into a specific subject, often drifting away into something quite absurd or entirely not on subject, this post will most likely suffer the same fate, I possibly have some sort of Attention Disorder but thankfully I have never been diagnosed with such a thing and to be labelled would deform my character somewhat within myself.---------------------------------------------------

Many years ago when the internet was young, I was purchased a computer by my Grandmother, it was the biggest present I had ever received and I was most grateful for it, shortly after we gained access to the World Wide Web, our connection was modest, 56K was the flavour of the day at a penny per minute, ISDN wasn't available in our area and ADSL was a distant imagining at the time.After many years of meandering through chat-rooms and word based Multi-User-Dungeons, the typist in me began to pickup speed and my grasp of how people worked in this digital world grew with each passing day, the one lesson learnt from delving into this online world, the one most important lesson of all that I have carried with me from the first time I dialled up online, the sound of a data stream screeching to the latest video streamed instantly to my screen is this."You can pretend to be anyone, but at the same time so can everyone else"Remember, that girl with the seductive profile pic and a bio filled with her turn ons/turn offs might end up being some Over-weight 45 year old guy wearing a string vest, or even myself and some friends being horrifically cruel and waiting to toy with some lonely guys emotions in a chat-room... Ya'know for kicks.Sometimes you just can't be too safe!While in the company of these devices I can talk for hours upon end chatting away about all sorts of random things to all manner of people from all walks, solely because I have other tasks I can do at the same time leaving me without feeling bored or awkward in the company of another, because physically we are not, yet technically we are. Although I love this medium of communication it's biggest draw back is the plethora of distractions available to the digital you.I, Myself have wasted so much time on pointless endeavours built into this marvel of modernity.My two greatest wastes have been MMORPGS (That's Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games for the Uninitiated) and FPS (First Person Shooters) titles.These time succubi are among the two worst culprits online next to social networking and porn sites.---------------------------------------------------On and off for 3 years I digitally embodied the form of a 3ft tall Female Gnome with pink pigtails on a popular online game, I know... but those pig-tails where pretty awesome and the male Characters kinda looked like Yoda, just less green.

Okay maybe I was having a 'bout of Digital Transvestism... but thats totally okay because I was doing manly things like killing dragons and wolves and stuff.... Aherm.

During those 3 years Admittedly I was playing with friends and having fun, which in the place where we live having fun pretty much came down to, Drinking.. Hanging out in parks..(Try doing that now, without fear of getting touched inappropriately) a swimming pool (Well.. almost the same as the park) and well there is a library (Probably the same as the park), but what can beat being in giant dungeon with a massive monster in-front of you and 39 other people in the same place all trying to not die.(I doubt that's anything like the park)

It was fun, it was an experience, I'll totally not be telling any children I have of the exploits I had as "Foxed The Gnomish Mage", Battling my way through many a late night to the sound of a Swedish man screaming orders at 39 other people as they failed miserably at an attempt at team-work on an online game, where the only reward was another dungeon filled with more swedes and monsters, oh and a monthly subscription to pay for the pleasure of doing it all again!

After awhile I'd take a step back from playing it and realise that I would actually spend more time playing these sort of games than I'd spend at work, with my family or with my "Real" friends.

Fortunately my real friends were also playing these games, so that was a stroke of luck.. but in many cases these Virtual friends you make with your avatar are literally the only friends you may have if you become disconnected from the outside world.

If I could have harnessed the amount of devotion and passion I had put into these types of online distractions even to the point where I would forget meal times due to how engrossed I had become in such a thing, One can only imagine what I could have achieved. for what I as many others have achieved in this digital space, is nothing of which we can show to another and be honestly proud of and expect the same amount of appreciation and adoration for the completion of such a grand "Virtual" task as would the completion of a real world physical task.

Thankfully I freed myself of that retro-active obsession.. my only problem is that from one evil leech of time I have shifted onto another which has subtly replaced it.

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I've always played computer games as a way of escaping from reality even for the shortest of times, thankfully in the past there was always a definitive end to a game, meaning I would have to do something else with the time between getting another game, unfortunately with the progression of online gaming into the living room an endless waltz of content and players have appeared, my little games console has now become just as evil as the pigtailed gnome of which I use to spend so much time bouncing and cackling my way through a digital world once before.

FPS Games are the biggest hog of my time at the moment, for instance recently I had a Weeks holiday from work, a game called Battlefield: Bad Company 2 was released on the start day of my holiday, by the end of my holiday I had invested 68 Hours of play time into this game, now that's just online time.. not counting the fact I had completed the single player campaign on hard before touching the online.

Admittedly every minute spent on that game was filled with so many moments of joy and laughter far more than I would have ever experienced in another environment for an equal length of time, It's shockingly scary when you look at how much time you have effectively wasted, stepped back and looked at how long you've been sitting there.. doing something which has absolutely no impact on the real world, only moments later to carry on doing it like some kind of addict relishing in its next fix.

Balance is key, Moderation.

Or in my own case, Intervention.

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A couple of day's ago I lent my Xbox 360 to a friend, so far in the time I've been away from it I've visited family, completely changed the look of this blog, updated this blog, started messing around on twitter more often, setup an eBay account, searched through all my years of hoarding for sellable items, fixed the broken seat-belt in my car, started making a family tree and began doing my course work with which I have neglected oh so much.

Even though these might seem like small trivial tasks I've accomplished some even being online ones, normally if the option was there to jump into the gaming persona I have developed over many years, I wouldn't have given a second thought to completing these tasks, not in the slightest.

Although I enjoy using that Persona, whether in-game or even on a message board,

The one thing I've always had trouble with is Balancing using the benefits of the internet against using the many tools of procrastination which are thrown into our faces every time we log into this wonderfully information filled online world, whether it's random viral videos linked by a friend or just google offering you so many other possible results instead of what you actually wanted.

It seems the best way to limit myself to these distractions is not by cutting my ties to the internet itself when I need to be more productive and focused, because the internet itself can help me become that, but by only using Hardware mediums which cannot support these tempting time leeches.

An example of that was when I got rid of my PC's and replaced them with iMac's I know what your thinking some of you, but it was for my own good.. If I can't in most cases play the big titles then there is no temptation there to begin with. (Curse you bootcamp, I know your there.. I know what you can do.. but.. NO.. !)

Going on that sense of self intervention perhaps I should swap out my Xbox when it returns for a Wii... Hah! (At-least that would be classed as productive gaming I guess.. if you can call it gaming...)

Perhaps I should invest in some Paul McKenna Will Power-Tapes...

Naaaa!

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I'll just wrap this up with a "Moral of this story is" kinda ending.

Technology and the Internet are great in moderation, software and devices that allow us to be more and/or someone else even for the briefest of times are great, yet when we start distance ourselves more from the physical, to let these things become the deciding factor in our lives or in fact become a greater part of our lives than what is healthy for us, it is at that moment when we should take a step back and think... Maybe I should just be me for awhile.

Admittedly things are easier now than ever before,

Technology is both our Guardian and our Bane,

We've all become complacent in our ways.

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How are you going to spend your time today?

P.S.
Stay away from pink pigtailed gnomes, they only bring you misery... :( well.. and epic lewt.

Seven Deadly Bins

2010-03-02T23:27:00.008Z

Lets take a look at the unsung heros of the gaming waste disposal world, while our main characters are off thwarting evil, at work in the background our silent flip-lipped/pedal powered/plastic bag lined justiciar's of disposal, work tirelessly to keep the world a tidy, blood-stained, bio-degradable place.

Some play a more integral role in a games story, sometimes acting as camouflage for our hero or perhaps an implement of destruction, other times just.. lurking in the background seemlessly blending in with their surroundings just waiting to unleash their environmentally harmful contents upon a hapless world.

On a side note, it's quite hard to find killer garbage can pic's online.. it's almost like these silent killers hide away from the public eye.. like some sort of Bin.. Ninja....

Binjas.

I Give You

In No Particular Order of Awesomeness

Seven Deadly Bins

(Many bins went past un-rummaged by my dust-binnular searchings, but they still lurk out there... waiting in the litter filled shadows of the inter-webs.)

1. Madworld (Death by Carnivorous Bin)

"Auditions for a gritty remake of Tom Cruise's Cocktail, have not been going well"

Trash cans in MadWorld are not only useful for putting your unfortunate victims in for easy transport to a medical facility where they will be treated by top medical professionals, but also for moving them into larger more brutal waste management facilities!

"DUMPSTER HUNGERS FOR BLOOD! >_<"

"Nom Nom NOM!!!"

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2. Silent Hill (Death by fear of the unknown)

If you've ever had the joy of visiting the happy holiday destination of Silent Hill, you are probably well versed in rummaging through bins filled with mysterious bags perhaps containing integral puzzle pieces, body parts, homicidal puppies.

"I want to feel you inside me"

Whatever nightmares/treasures you happen to find within a Silent Hillian Dumpster, you can be safe in the knowledge that its probably not just used nappies and stained copies of women's underwear magazines... actually in the "Other Place" version of Silent Hill that's probably exactly what you'll find... ew.

"Phew, just another garbage can.... Wait, oh god.."

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3. Half-Life (Death by Littering/Gravity)

In a world where a PHD in Physics gets you the job of wheeling a cart into a giant particle accelerator and causing pretty much the downfall of man, all without uttering a single word, Gordon Freeman's wide selection of waste storage not only gives you ammo/head crabs in vast amounts, but the opportunity to think outside of the bin.

"Saving the planet, One can at a time"

"Saving the planet, One combine at a time"

Trash cans can also be launched at high speed towards a totally suspecting foe for "High Velocity Trash Induced" death, that'l teach 'em to litter.

"Missing from the scene of the crime, Trash Can... Guilty, Much"

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4. Streets of Rage (Death by Food Poisoning)

Sure they might be trying to clean up the streets with their own form of justice, but seriously these side-scrolling beat-em-upper folks don't seem to understand the major health implications of eating discarded food stuffs from street garbage.

"Two ginger kids and a woman in latex, Think I'll give the apple a miss"

Sure you might get a nice little health boost right now, but later.. when the stomach cramps come and the rectal bleeding... you'll regret eating from the trash you skimpily dressed vigilantes!

"No amount of chicken can heal whats happening to the middle guy, kinda looks like George Michael... Naaa!"

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5. Left 4 Dead (Death by Decapitation)

Even when the world is turned into a blood thirsty, disease riddled nightmare where obese puking monsters try to empty the contents of their stomaches into your hungry faces, while their extremely talented tongue twisting friends try to strangle you with lickity death and a token black guy obsessed with pills fights to stay alive just to get his next fix.

The trash can still battles on in defiance against a world gone mad.

"Louis: Bins Here!"

"Louis is still packing ten rounds in his auto-shotty... yet its headless... only one explanation... bottom left hand corner... look at the BIN MAN... ITS RIGHT FREAKIN' THERE!!!!"

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6. Halo 3 (Death By..... Flying?)

Not only do you have to deal with Fusion Cores, Stickies, Traffic Cones, Tires, Warthogs, LAZ0RZ, Douchëbags and a fudge load of other ways to suffer, you can also add T-bagged to death by Levitating Dumpster to your list of fears.

"1337 SPARTAN RULEZ!!! U AINT SO TUFF NUB!!!"

"Punch It Chewie!"

Probably one of the new "old" technologies available in Halo: Reach!

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7. Garbage Truck Simulator (Death by.. WHY?! OH DEAR GOD WHY... PLEASE.. I HAVE CHILDREN!!! PLEASE NO.. NO!!!.. NOOO!!!!!!!!)

Not deadly in the normal sense and I would never, ever, ever admit to playing nor owning this game but seriously... you've got to be into stuffing dead bodies into garbage bags and driving them to hidden destinations to truly want to play this game, I mean come on...its almost as bad as the idea of a Fork Lift driving simulator... Oh.. no wait.. they did that too)

"When you see it, you'll dump your load"

In my mind this game should be ultimately more sinister, like an episode of Dexter mixed with one of those crazy cleaning obsessed house-wife shows or maybe some underworld crime syndicate tycoon game, unfortunately its not.

"The don wants the broad at his place, get her in the back"

Maybe if it was "MAFIA: Take Out The Trash" edition, I'd give it a go.

"The shop owner hasn't kept up his security payments, take him out.. with the trash"

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I hope this little journey into the world of gaming waste disposal has been an interesting and yet entertaining one, perhaps in the near future I might elaborate more on the inner-workings of the Garbage Can/Dust Bin in the gaming world and how through the evolution of games they have changed in shape and size to accommodate new and interesting shiny items, from the succulent chicken to weapons of mass destruction. from under-water locals, to outer-space and even a post apocalyptic nightmarish world filled with nothing but hate and semi-drinkable toilet water, they have been there.. filled to the brim with awesome.. and gum.

Bins, the most reliable and deadly storage medium conceived.

Well apart from a Safe, or a Vault of some sort... you have either of those dropped on you.. I mean your totally not getting up from that.

Might have to play "Mexican Cleaner Simulator" it'd aid me in the cleaning up of the bin-afflicted bodies and stuff.

Digital Impotence, Impotence Kills.

2010-01-23T23:27:00.001Z

Impotence..

I know..

It's something we don't like to talk about

But does anyone in your inner-circles, your families, your friends suffer from the Digital Form?

It's not only men that suffer from this form of impotence no, women/children/pensioners/hobo's

People from all walks of life, of all ages suffer on a day to-day basis with no end to their pain in sight.

I've seen it first hand, a happy customer will come along all bright eye'd and excited to purchase something which has been said to amplify each and every aspect of life that product is designed to better!

Hours later for them to be on a tech-website or the phone to a younger child who might somehow have an in-cling of knowledge on the inner workings of this fantastical device.. or better yet back in the shop flailing their arms around insisting on a refund because its "Broken"

Fortunately this is not some wave of ill-crafted devices which almost explode in your face due to their poor design and build, no this is another condition to add to an already increasing magical list of psychological disorders and syndromes, unfortunately this one you probably can't claim some sort of financial benefit for.

Digital Impotence could very well be one of the most serious, and deadliest forms of Impotence out there, feeling helplessly outdated and behind without attempting to adapt or at-least try to move/keep up with the world as it shifts into another stage of evolution, the closest a lot of people will get over the coming years to becoming more in-tune with technology will be when their televisions "Switch" over to the digital service, explaining that to someone who has little to no idea on how/why such things are happening is comedy gold in itself, especially when all they have in their living room is a television so old it doesn't even have a SCART socket.

Anyone that is denying themselves access to the internet out of fear due to press and horror stories about peoples information being stolen for nefarious deeds truly are punishing themselves for no real reason, you have what is possibly one of the single most powerful research tools known to man at your fingertips.. information flows as rampantly as water, bathe in it!

Digital Impotence can be classed as being almost as bad as meeting that girl you've always had your eye on, getting back to her place only to find out "OH MAH GAWD THE PRESSURES?!" then having to have her call you a taxi due to your shame, only to hear her utter as you depart "I'll call you"

You know, you know its over man.. and then to top that off you'll get home and not only do you fail in the bedroom department.. at such a crucial moment.. oh no this is even worse.

You can't even setup that sweet ass Home Cinema System you bought to soften the blow of your recent romantic failures correctly due to your lack of stamina both in bed and your skills in trying to ram a HDMI cable into the SCART Socket, god knows what would happen if the plug socket happened to be from another region as you look towards the tool box and the hammer, if you had access perhaps to some sort of information source that could take you through what to do..with pictures and text, and maybe even video.. if only..something like that existed, but as far as you know there isn't!

Perhaps you should have paid that extra money for that "Technical Guy" to come round and fit it all up for you.

Maybe if you stare at it long enough it might fall on you and save you the trouble of calling up the store for help, unfortunately you figured out how to screw in the wall fittings correctly.

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The only person you'll be hearing say "Oh Oh Its Too Big!!!" will be your mother who's invited you around to setup her new Router the sales assistant told her to get, for that "facebook thing" as she tries to ram a phone plug into an ethernet port, you'll both be standing there looking at it in dismay as they kinda look the same... but just.. just don't fit... also she won't find you on there.. you know why? because you don't even have the internet at home, in-fact you still use a pager.

Oh Wait, what's this say on the side... WIRELESS?.. Wait do we even have a Land-Line? What the hells one of those? What do you mean it had no instructions?

Must be a design flaw, No.. no wait... that's the impotence again.

As an act of desperation you might go out and purchase such books as the "For Dummies" Series, in purchasing said books you only admit to yourself and the cashier that you have in-fact failed at whatever subject it is your buying, and your only hope is some book targeted at that said market, make sure not to cross eyes with the cashier as they place your book into the brown paper bag of fail, they can see through your story of "Its for my mother, she's new to this" they know of your shame.

They can smell your digital fear.

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All is not lost for you, remember your head is filled with other totally important things, these for instance could be causing you to not grasp this whole technology thing entirely, because if you were to learn about it perhaps all your important stored up information might be blown out of your head like some sort of DATA BACKDRAUGHT!!! exploding onto your pillow as you sleep, the horror.

Take for instance that relative who you can always call on, who probably doesn't have anything better to do because they just sit in-front of a computer all day... I mean they possibly can't be busy at all... so just phone them up.

Now trying to get that person to come around and help you with your simple task is possibly almost as difficult as:

A: Getting blood out of stones
B: Parting a large body of water
C: Solving the Energy Crisis
D: Removing stress related skid marks from your whites

When they do finally come around and help you with your "little" problem, remember each moment they spend in your company with the smiles they give and the "Oh that's no problem I'll sort it out for you" attitude, every ounce of their being is trying to stop from shouting obscenities of which you won't know the meaning of due to your lack of internetular-immersion.

Also they'll hate you just a little bit inside with each call you give them, you might also hear them mutter something like "Some people charge money for this" and my old favourite "My god.. do they still make these?"

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Microsoft and Apple have been slowly but surely making it easier for the Digitally Impotent to get a better grasp on technology through their marketing teams great way's of implying how simple things really are, so buy some more, MORE.. BUY IT NOW O_O NOOOOW!

It seems games companies have started their own trials of hardware based therapy, instead of vast amounts of chemical and herbal remedies injected into every orifice... you might already have some of these new cures in your possession as it is.. secretly aiding you with your Impotence even if you aren't brave enough to admit it.

Oh Nintendo *Wipes Tear* You've reached out and helped so many hapless victims.. uh.. uh.. people! in their digital endeavours tapping their styli and waving their arms, bouncing around their living rooms too and fro feeling as if they are a part of this digital revolution the world is in the grasp of, keep on training them brains people!

Even other game companies are trying their best to aid in the cure of Digital Impotence with Microsoft's Project Natal and Sony's wand devices, for when just a simple button push controller can't pull you into playing a game, waving your arms around and looking like a total numpty seems to help in the healing process!

Yes these are the early day's of what will be heralded as the birth of a digital form of Viagra, when it finally arrives can you imagine the differences it will make when you can be sure that everyone around you is connected and in-tune with technology as much as the next!

Or they could just read the bloody instructions..

Instructions are awesome.

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Times like this.. kinda wish Doc and Marty were here.. the futures just too far away *Sniff*

88 MILES PER HOUR BABY!!!!

Also, my mother is also on Facebook now.. -_-

If you happen to have any trouble playing that stupid bloody farming game on there, I can pretty much guide you through it especially if you just want your plants watering, you honestly do not want to know how many times I've been asked for that so far.

Also, that little button next to the X on the window, yeah that little squarish thing, yeah that makes the window bigger.

*Cries*

Plight of a Salesman

2009-12-16T12:53:00.001Z

Sex, race, colour or creed mean nothing to me.

I am not consumed by greed, but your money is all I need

A salesman I be, another's goods I sell to thee

No commission in sight for we

Part-Time worker, I start at three

A Smile I throw your way, paid for by minimum wage

You may think me a friend, but it is on your money that I depend

Stuck here with each passing year, I fear promotion is never near

Caught in a never ending cycle of stick and peel

Sometimes a quick escape from the toil of the real

Just lands one back here, smile and all

Perhaps one might trip and fall, compensation might fill the hole

Its either that, or on the dole.

The Gaming Checklist

2009-11-08T00:47:00.014Z

Every day

Every single day

Without fail

The questions are always the same.

"Hey mate, This any good?" You played It yeh?! Aw man, You totally get to play these games early dont you?!, you so lucky maaan!"

*Twitch*

Sometimes, sometimes I just want to lie.. but fortunately for you my good nature stops me from telling you that limited edition copy of Wall-E is a gaming purchase you just can't live without.

But for you, for your gaming pleasure.

I will bestow upon thee the list of which to check before making that final decision.. before even coming to the store to part with your hard earned cash, before making a fatal choice that leaves you out of pocket.. rocking back and forth in a corner crying... alone.. wishing you could return that pityful excuse for a game yet having the sales person stare at you with dismay as you try to explain to them the product is faulty because it didn't live up-to your expectations of pure-awesomeness.

I can't be there all the time to guide you into the light and sometimes.. sometimes even I make the bad decisions that cost you.

Even though I try to play them all, a line is drawn at "Fluffy Kitty Happy Time: Chop Shop Edition on the DS" (To be honest that sounds pretty cool, I'd probably buy that.. Be a mix of Hello Kitty and Need for Speed I'm feelin') and so onto the list my friend.

Oh one last thing before we begin, if you happen to purchase your games online, it's normally cheaper than in-store and you'll usually get them a day before release which is nice!

Just make sure what you're buying is right for you, the most important thing about gaming is making sure the experience is what you expected it to be, and even then sometimes you'll be surprised at what a game can make you feel under the right conditions.

-----------------------------

ROUND 1: FIGHT!

Hopefully you've figured out pre-ordering is actually useful, sometimes you'll find in most game stores the first people to pick up their pre-orders usually get free gifts.

Sometimes it's just a little bonus card for downloadable content, other times its a T-shirt or collectable figure but most importantly its free as is pre-ordering in a lot of places over here, Win Win.

I keep all my freebies till christmas, yes.. I know what you're thinking... it still counts as a present (Don't judge me for being cheap *Sniff*)

Anyway, way before anything comes out waltz down to your local game store check if its free to do, and pre-order the fudge out of as many games as you can think of.. in-fact just write a list of everything you think you might even have the slightest urge to buy that year and hand it to an assistant/clerk.

You'll find most pre-order schemes in stores whether independent or large retail ones offer discounts/bonuses to pre-ordering items within their own reward/points card schemes you might find even if you don't buy these games the moment they come out you'll still probably be entitled to getting your bonuses through the cards.

Another benefit from pre-ordering apart from the whole "making sure your game is there when you arrive" is the fact the more people that pre-order a game the more demand for it is created in the store you order it from.

Increasing their stock allocation on the day of release, a number of games lately have come out, fairly big games with little to no pre-order interest in them and they've sold out pretty damn fast due to this, actually Borderlands I remember we actually sold out of on both the 360 and PS3.

Many an unhappy gamer was seen wandering away that day.. without their fill of cappin' manically cackling midgets in the face, and you know why? because they didn't follow the list.

So even if you don't decide to buy that game you pre-ordered that store gets more games to give to other people that do want to play it, who should have pre-ordered it in the first place!

It's a never ending circle of pre-order-less fail -_-

-----------------------------

2nd PLACE, TRY HARDER.

Most console owners spend a majority of their time online blowing chunks out of people half the world away, that's awesome.. but apart from chunk blowage there is something else you can do with this technological marvel.

Now you have one of the single most powerful researching tools known to man at your disposal, that's freakin' right

"Teh INTERWEBS"

Let's fire this bad-boy up.

To start off your Interwebular Journey one place you should visit for your gaming needs above all else will unfortunately be;

YouTube

After reaching this wonderful place filled with Rick Roll's and people with their many opinions will be to type in the name of your game you want to see playing and the following combination of words for example. one that will be typed in many a time over the next few weeks;

Modern Warfare 2 Gameplay
Modern Warfare 2 Play-through
Modern Warfare 2 Multiplayer
Modern Warfare 2 Review
Modern Warfare 2 HOW DO YOU DO THIS LEVEL ON VETERAN AHHH?! (Skillz, Mmm..)

Pretty much the name of your game and any of those words after will normally give you a genuine interpretation of what that games going to play like, and most fortunately if you're living in the UK some lovely American fellow will already have the game if its not out over here yet and will talk you through the first few levels in "Great" detail. *Cough*

Or

GameTrailers

If you want a more Game Centric Site for your video needs, I prefer the roughness of youtube to be honest, that and I generally get distracted by kittens on there.

If that doesn't do it for you the other option is to hit it up with some;

MetaCritic

Now this site will pretty much hammer the final nail into the coffin of any game/media purchase decision you make, if you're really, really, really unsure of what to get even after watching in-game footage and seeing people play first hand.

All the scores are cumulative from a large base of review sites for games/media, so you'll find unbiased views mixed in with paid for cash money reviews, because we totally know some of those lovely game companies pay just a tiny bit for some sweet, sweet reviewular luvvin' hopefully you'll be able to get an idea of how a game feels from the many words splashed across the page.

Unless you're like me and care not for the ramblings of others and buy what you "Know" is going to be awesome.. like in the past I've purposely bought bad games just to make sure they really are that bad.. *Cringe* Someone has to make sure. (Yeah.. i'll use that as an excuse for making fail purchases)

-----------------------------

3 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER (Yes It Is)

Becoming a slave to the trade, in the past you might have had bad experiences at walk-in game stores with trade prices on your games.

I totally understand how you might feel disgusted at some of the bottom of the barrel prices you might get offered for your games but just remember if your going to one of these stores it's generally a last resort for that game in your hand especially if you've tried these other options first.

1: Make the Call, Phone your local game store and ask how much your game is worth to trade in.

Now the following response will pretty much seal the fate of your game way before you even contemplate making that hazardous & expensive journey to the store, if the price is right then wham skip all this chatter and move on in.

If you feel its not quite what you wanted at-least now you have a minimum sale price in your head.

2: Family, Anyone in your immediate family in need of a present? Birthday, Christmas, Bar mitzvah? if it saves you having to buy someone a present then wham that's where it should go.

3: Friends, Anyone you know that A: Totally hasn't played it yet but you can convince them its awesome enough to buy it from you for a sweet price or B: Actually wants it, then that's the thing to do.

4: Death of A Salesman, You could always try and sell it yourself.. If you've dabbled in the dark arts of selling online in the past then check your usual hovels for the current going prices of your games, or if your really desperate try in your local paper.

E to B to the fuggin AY!

To be honest a lot of game stores have been quite decent with their offers "Trade such and such game in and get this one for half price" or some other rejigging of that wording, unfortunately they all seem to be demanding mainly major new release titles for the offers and a majority of them I personally wouldn't want to part with anyway.

But when the moneys tight, and the effort involved in selling them privately is just too much to contend with..

the only way..

is the easy way.

-----------------------------

CLEANUP ON AISLE 4

One thing that has been really miffin' me lately and that's Collectors Editions/Special Editions of games.

Rarely they will be really awesome and collectable to the point where the price is extortionately more than the standard edition but contains items that are actually of value and semi-worthy of a collector *Cough* Prestige Edition MW2 *Cough* those I don't mind so much, value for money and all that.
(Oh and Assassins Creed & Bioshock those were snazzy.)

It's when you see something like, Well I'll give you a grand example:

Resident Evil 5: Steel-Book Edition was £10 more during the release period, and what did you get?
Fancy new weapons?
A bunny girl outfit for Sheva?
Some rehab for Chris's blatant addiction to Steroids?
Perhaps the Vs mode they charged you extra for shortly after release?

No, you got exactly what it said on the tin, Resident Evil 5, oh wait there was another disc inside the box about Resident Evil: Degeneration, now if they'd bundled the actual movie inside that box!

Or Collectors Editions that give you codes inside the box, for items you gain by playing the game normally anyway, Urgh.

If you do happen to find a collectors edition that has Unique items inside that can't be gained by playing the game normally, steer clear of buying a pre-owned version, a majority of the time you'll find the codes have already been used.

Sorry about that Mini-Rant there collectors editions really annoy me.

Just make sure if you are investing extra cash into them that they are totally worth it, to be honest you might as-well spend the extra money on a Strategy Guide, perhaps not for the totally cheating and being less of a human being for buying one but solely for the art work.
(Yeah, 'dem be some pretty pictures right there H'yuk)

-----------------------------

5 Pieces of silver I ask of thee, cross my palm and you shall see!

(Ugh, Old Crones)

Pre-Owned/2nd Hand/Stuff Someone else has played.

Before I touch this one I would just like to mention Digital Media in its current form does not degrade in the normal fashion that say tape media does from general use.

Regardless of how many times it is played, a game played to completion 50 times on 50 different machines with 50 different owners will still give you the same epic story, the same stunning visuals, the same high quality sound as the very first user...

As-long as the medium it is kept on is well cared for, no loss should be found by purchasing a used version of a game.

When buying a used game there's 3 things you should look out for:

1: Case; No splits or cracks in the box, game insert's clean and tear free no horrible sticker residue.

Make sure the age ratings coincide with your region too, you'll find some game stores trade in games that work fine in your region yet have another countries age rating system on the box, more often than not you'll find it hard to re-trade these games later because they aren't normally allowed to accept these games as trades anyway, some still slip through the net though.

PEGI/BBFC = UK/EU ---- ESRB = U.S.A

2: Disk/Cart/UMD; No Deep scratches top or bottom, flaking/cracked plastic. splits on the inner rim of the disk, warping of the disk and no bent pins on cartridges/loose connectors

Split Rim/Deep Scratches/Cracked UMD

3: Instruction Book; You'll find when you've finished playing with your game some stores won't trade them back in from you without the instructions... yet they will gladly sell you it.

The same 3 should also be considered when your trying to sell to these shops, unless you've found a sales assistant/clerk that cares little for the well-being of the games being bought/sold.
(Christmas is scary for this)

Another thing which you should greatly take into consideration is the difference in price.

A game marked up at 39.99 New and 29.99 even 32.99 Pre-owned is a definite saving.
Games marked up at 39.99 New and 37.99 Pre-owned are just shy of an insult.

Even a saving of say £5 is reasonable enough if the games still a heavy hitter, but when it is literally just £2 off a title for buying a pre-owned version it really makes you question the morality of a thing especially when you the customer could have easily just bought the thing online instead of making the journey into a store to purchase your titles, and saved on both travel fee's and time!

But eh, business is business mon ami?

-----------------------------

6 Geese-a-Laying

When you walk into your local game store and expect to be given great advice on the latest most hottest, awesomest games at a moments notice remember well that those staff behind the counter most likely have not played the game you're thinking of buying, sometimes the only info they have on a game is through their own personal searchings at home, or a tid-bit of information on a document sent to each store with a brief run-down of the game, little more than what's on the back of the box in the first place.

Being armed with information before-hand yourself limits the chances of being given mis-information in the first place... In our store we don't even have internet access, we rely solely on company bulletins which sometimes just aren't fast enough to keep up with the information you as the happy inquisitive customer so desperately require!

*Insert sad violin music for added dramatic effect*

In our game store, we don't get to borrow the games.. for uh.. "Research Purposes" not even the pre-owned ones, nor do we get our games early which you'd have thought would have been a small perk of the job! *Sniff*

Envious I am of any other store that gets such benefits!

Nay the only early playing we might get, is the chance to play a game on a hard plastic chair in a stuffy office on a very small portable television!

Woe Is Me

-----------------------------

In retrospect let's forget all the mindless babble I have assaulted your viewing holes with, when you're buying your games stick to this list and you should be button bashing your way to victory in no time.

1: Pre-Order, Sometimes Free-stuff if you get in before other people, normally free to do so anyway.

2: Use the Internet, Seriously Actual In-Game footage played at length is the best way to judge, and if you're buying online, win, you'll get it earlier normally and probably cheaper than from a walk-in store.

3: If no one else will buy it and you cant be bothered to sell it online, Trading is a quick and easy solution. (Sometimes stores give pretty big trade in offers on semi-recent games)

4: Collectors Editions are Evil, Well.. Sometimes.

5: Pre-Owned has its benefits, but make sure its really worth it for you and not just the seller, does the game come with single use codes for the multiplayer? Will it cost you more than the new one if you buy pre-owned then have to buy those codes to actually play it. (Check!)

6: Research your own games, its your money, we cant guide you down the right path every-time.

and most importantly of all

Enjoy your games, for the few hours you'll get to play them at-least its an escape from the trials and tribulations of the day past and day's to come.

Or if not for yourself at-least they'll buy some silence from those that do play, if only for a little while.

Christmas Soon, Enjoy Shopping.

Wahahahaha!

Living With O.C.D

2009-11-07T00:02:00.004Z

It's not always been a problem but lately it's started to affect every aspect of my life, even the most basic of tasks seem over-shadowed by this crippling affliction.

It affects each and everyone of us in a different way, sometimes the minor cases are hardly even paid attention too, but sometimes.. sometimes the problems can have serious effects on our own lives and the lives of those around us.. even to the point of making us prisoners in our own homes.

I am of course talking about

Obsessive Cat Disorder.

It starts off innocent enough, the petting, the purring, the love and affection.. but soon enough that fluffy bundle of joy turns into something akin to the twisted main character from some sort of teen horror movie.

Demanding more and more attention from you, while you sleep, while you eat even while you read the paper, is there no end to their attention seeking?!

Although I've not always been able to gather photographic evidence of the level of harassment dished out to me on a daily basis from these fluffy menaces, I'll try and share what I was able to obtain before they developed camera shyness.

Bath Time: Box Cat decides to pay a visit.

Game Time: You might want to leave it on pause for awhile

Not so mighty now are you, Mouse.

Washing Hands: Oh you don't need a towel, seriously.

Toilet Time: Go on, take a seat..

Seriously, just go!

Box Cat: Don't worry, they didn't fit you anyway.

Oh, going to work are you? I see...

I'm finding it hard to operate on a daily basis with the constant fear of something looking over my shoulder, or tripping me over.

If some sort of restraining order can't be obtained maybe I should look into getting a dog.

Bide your time fluffies, no more will your hairs litter my keyboard!

Pro-Procrastination

2009-10-04T00:23:00.000+01:00

Suffering from terminal procrastination at the moment, finding it hard to focus on anything serious for more than a few minutes before switching to something randomly lame.

Curse you distractions!

I did want to write out something nice and snazzy for this but then something....

*20 Minute Gap*

Caught my eye and I ended up staring at youtube and giggling incessantly at the failings of others.

My tasks for tomorrow I shall write here as a statement of intent as to what I must do!

1. Fill out and send off course acceptance forms for my German. (I mean come on.. they've been sitting there for awhile now.. bejesus)

2. Revel in acceptance I have still not purchased an iPhone, i don't need one even if they are totally awesome and all your friends have them and play with them constantly all the freaking time, while in your pocket lies the remnants of a once totally acceptable means of mobile communication but now in comparison it is just a slab of plastic which functionality is no more than that of a door-stop compared to its touchy touchy app filled counter-part.

3. Think of more stuff to do, seriously...

4. Oh, write out a Wants & Needs list. (I honestly don't know what I want at the moment... I can't honestly be happy with what I have can I...? Shock Horror!)

9. In the time I could have written the other numbers I unfortunately started reading something else.. balls

Oh well, Bedtime.

Huzzah!

I Feel The Need, The Need For Creed!

2009-09-19T00:40:00.001+01:00

Leaping from rooftops, no wind in my haiiiir!

Culling the unworthy without a caaaare!

I'm some hoodie wearing assassin sent to impale your derriere!

I'll shank you with a smile! Dancing all the while, hopping from tile to tile!

I could be anyone and anywhere! I walk in the open with my hands clasped for prayer!

Pesky civilians just stand and stare, pushing beggars over without a care!

I'll get that guy and this guy and him and her oh what fun, oops shanked another one!

Staring up into the sun, no tears are shed for what I have done

Some may live by the way of the gun, but dear god wrist blades are just such fun.

------------------------

Feelin' some Assassins Creed 2 Love up in here.

Tried "Need for Speed: Shift" today.. after playing Dirt 2 for the past week NFS really didn't hit me as well is it should have... neither did the wall I smashed into on purpose at 100mph.

Think I'll go back to plowing dudes off of cliff faces on Dirt, Happier times!

DIIIRTAAAY!

Snake! Snake?! SNAAAAAAKE!!!

2009-09-17T12:42:00.004+01:00

Noticed a little competition on the @Gamedigital tweet to win a Psone and some classic games.

Being that I had to dispose of my little Playstation awhile ago, it had spent years of its life tilted up on one side with all manner of objects inserted and squished into it to keep the disks spinning, even as tiny black pieces of plastic ejected themselves from the disk tray now and then in disgust at me for letting it live another day.

Finally I granted it the sweet embrace of death via a brick, setting it on its way to the great Games-Expo in the sky.

Back to the Compo,

Create some dialog between the two legendary characters that are Snake & Lara Croft, in some strange-mish-mashed world in which they are somehow inexplicably put together.

This is what I came up with after a few minutes of pondering.

Lara: You can make it snake!

Snake: No, I.. I'm not the Legend you think I am

Lara: Come on snake it's not that hard! I believe you can do it!

Snake: On the battlefield sometimes your greatest enemy is not the soldier with the gun pointing at you, but yourself.

Lara: If I can do it, you can do it Snake!

Lara: Think of the people back home, the ones you fight for every time you put your life on the line, you've come this far don't let all your efforts be wasted on something as simple as this!

Snake: Your right.. I shouldn't let myself be overcome with feelings like this, on the battlefield there is no room for error, no second chances.

Snake: We each choose our own path to follow, our lives are not pre-determined by some higher power everything is set by our own will, it's in our minds, in our genes.

Snake: *Falls Between Small Gap* There's no jump button?!?! Ahhhhhh!!!!

Lara: Snake?! Snake?! SNAAAAKKKKKEEE!!!!

------------------------

Snake: I've had some experience with tight squeezes, I find myself stuffed inside small card-board boxes on a regular basis.

Lara: How can you compare being in a card-board box to being crushed by a giant boulder in a spike filled tomb!?

Snake: On the battlefield, you have to adapt to survive... even in the most dire combat scenario, a box is all you need.

Lara: I really don't think a card-board box is going to cut it against the undead and dinosaurs Snake.

Snake: Ever tried smearing yourself in dinosaur feces?

Lara: Woah?!

Snake: You've got to do what you can to survive on the battlefield -_-

------------------------

Snake: Small world Miss Croft.

Lara: Too small for the two of us

Snake: This is the second time i've had to reclaim my property from you

Lara: That belongs in a museum! *Clutches Card-Board Box*

Snake: So do you!

------------------------

Lara: Don't worry snake, I'm disguised in this enemy uniform

Snake: You won't be for long with assets like that.

Lara: What does that mean?

Snake: Oh... Nothing.

------------------------

Lara: Ah!

Lara: Snake...Do you like me?

Snake: What the?!

Lara: Hold Me! Snake!, Hurry make love to me!

Snake: Woah!

Lara: What?! Don't you like girls?!

Lara: Are my shimmying skills too much for you to handle snake?!

Snake: I.. I.. Otacon, I need you. *Equip Card-Board Box*

Psycho Mantis: I See you don't like Tomb-Raider Snake.

It made me giggle and that's all that matters!

Indiana Jones references are always win.

EDIT!

Totally won that compy!

Cry Some Moar!

2009-08-31T20:47:00.003+01:00

Wandering in darkness, alone.. lost the others... searching.. something I hear

Stricken with cold inside, the sound of wailing heard, distress

Chilling sound drawing me closer, wanting to console the tormented soul

To a door I arrived, a cold handle.. stiff, stale air

What unknown cruelty had befallen to cause such suffering sounds to course from one

In a corner she was, huddled tightly whimpering still, rocking

Closer I drew, the light I shined upon her

Bathing her feet in light, slowly still up and up

Clothes torn, complexion mottled.. dirty, hair straggled

To her face the light shines, a shriek shrillish expulsion of sound

Eye's a flare with red, with fear, with hate

Whimper no more she does

Only scream, screaming at me, I who had come to aid.

Evade, Flee, Run.. Stumble!

Claw at me she does

Rend my flesh she has

Iron, I can taste.. drowning in my own, gurgling

Dead I Am

Help I offered, unwanted

Forever whimper still she does, with tears not shed

Only Blood

Alone my friends had left me, my cries went unheard

Yet cry some more little one, i'll be back with that shotgun

I Hate Witches.

L4D

----------------------------------

Witches in L4D, We love them..
More-so I love crowning them to the point where it is now considered an Art-Form!

Satisfaction Much!

Roll on L4D2! Oh frying-pan, it's been such a long time.. *Sniff*

Foxification

2009-08-14T23:43:00.000+01:00

Since cleansing myself of a terrible curse recently, I am now free to indulge in other more productive adventures.. rather than wasting 6 hours a day or so marauding around trapped within the digital embodiment of a 3ft tall pig-tailed haired midget, beating on the faces of lepers for a handful of digital bling.

Photoshop has been loaded in, my mouse has been freed of enough matter to clone myself and it's time to bust out some snazzy pictures for a website to replace this horrific looking excuse for a page!

*Clings* Don't worry my little domain I promise to smother you in awesome soon enough!

Also wish I'd spent some money on that big ass fan I saw on sale recently... either that or one of those mini cooler fridges, totally turn that into a seat right now.

Ohmahgawd its hawt.

Also Twitter, twitter is evil...

Btw ADHD + Twitter = Win, some of the random trivial drippings that come from the over-active finger tips of the people who must update their twitter pages every 0.4 seconds makes me cringe in fear, and I can talk for a helluva long time about random stuff no one cares about!

RandomGuy0892:Tweeting on Twitter!

RandomGuy0892:Tweeted on Twitter!

RandomGuy0892:Think i'll tweet again!

RandomGuy0892:Batteries running out!

RandomGuy0892:Nasty acidic taste in my mouth

RandomGuy0892:Oh it's the batteries

RandomGuy0892:Think i'll go to the toilet

RandomGuy0892:I'm on the toilet

RandomGuy0892:Think i might redecorate the bathroom later!

RandomGuy0892:No toilet paper

RandomGuy0892:Printer paper works Fine

RandomGuy0892:Think I have blood in my poop

RandomGuy0892:I'll upload some pictures later kk.

RandomGuy0892:Ever fall asleep in bed and wake-up fully dressed and in your car, with thumping noises coming from the boot and a shovel/bag of lime on the back seat?

RandomGuy0892:I think i'll eat some cheese

RandomGuy0892:Eating Cheese.

Anyway, that's pretty much twitter.. as you can tell it's awesome, it's almost like having someone nearby dictating your life aloud to you, except your dictating it yourself to people who may, or may not care.. but probably do care because what your doing is 90% of the time more awesome than what they are doing, which right about now is them listening to you.. talk about stuff you probably didn't do.

I can't wait till we have some feature length movies busting out with some Twitter drama in there, twitter novels are already popping out there

Saving Private Ryan's Tweets

A Fist Full Of Tweets

The Good The Bad And The Tweety

American Tweetwolf

E.Tweet

Twitt-Hard: Tweet Harder.

Tweetlander: The Twittering

Twittergeist

Field Of Tweets: If You Tweet Them, They Will Follow

Meh, there be far better ones that could have been said but..

I'm so fudging tired up in here, even the spell check is suggesting I sleep

Having a garden-sale tomorrow to clear up some of the random schtuff clogging the house!

Better not freakin' rain.

Time fer schleep!

Call of Duty? Oh Sorry, Wrong Number.

2009-08-09T22:54:00.001+01:00

I have enjoyed games in many different shapes and forms over the years.

One thing that's true of all games as of late regardless of whether or not they are "Triple A" titles is in the early day's of play you always pay around £40 for a new game, it's only a couple of weeks/months after do you see a massive decline in price in relation to its popularity.

I'll jump straight to the point, some games are worth the money some are not...

I would gladly pay more for a game if I knew it would last me, that's why I personally won't mind paying over the top for the new Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 when it finally comes out.

Why? Because in the past we've paid good money for games which have by no means lived up-to the level of entertainment/fun/value for money that a series such as CoD has given many people over the years.

Can you honestly say games in the Zelda Series for instance were not worth the cost? I remember paying around £59.99 for Ocarina of Time on the N64 years ago, and I enjoyed every single penny of that game.

Games around the same time and cost escape my mind and my shelf as memorable titles which deserved keeping, as with the current trend today.

I laugh a little inside when I see funny little people on the "Internets" voicing their opinions on how things are overpriced in the way of games, and the cheek of how these companies can ask for more money for their products of which we do so enjoy.

Activision-Blizzard can take as much money from me as they please, as can any company that creates an item that keeps on giving way past the expected life of its peers.

I'll just put it in there and use another item this company produces, which I'm sure the casual Call of Duty player doesn't realize is in any way related to their Golden Desert-Eagle face popping antics and that's the World of Warcraft.

This is a Subscription game which can soak up a vast amount of play-time, I'll just skip to the calculator and bust out some figures here because I can't bring myself to indulge in this game too much (Bad memories.. I.. I'm clean.. for now.. *Twitch* No.. no .. Pink-Pigtails.. OH DEAR GOD... ) for fear of a relapse.

WoW costs:

£8.99 a month,

£107.88 a year,

As of January 09 WoW has over 11.5 Million Subscribers (It's August now, dear god man.. how many more souls has this thing devoured?!)

For the sake of being awesome, I'll just suggest that each of those subscribers play for a whole year, which is easy enough to do... some people I have the unfortunate blessing of being associated with have played it for many years, quit.. come back.. paid to have characters transferred for an over-priced fee to play with friends, quit and then done it all over again.

11,500,000 x £107.88 = £1,240,620,000 a year (Daaayyyuuuummm!)

That game, is freaking value for money. (Or strangely good if you want to disappear from society for a long period of time, perhaps the C.I.A Could use it as a form of Witness Relocation, "Care to reveal your innermost secrets about Mafia related business and the underworld?! then the C.I.A have the best of hiding places for you.. it's not a sunny hide-away home in Hawaii as Mr & Mrs Smith, no you'll be jetting away to the wonderful land of Azeroth! filled with such wonder, fantasy, adventure and gold-sellers! Live out your new lives in peace and solitude away from the outside world!")

It'd make a great movie to be honest, I think Peter Jackson want's in.

If i had £8.99 a month to spend on a game, I'd probably come home with a bargain bucket DS title, or something from a PC Classic selection that was originally built for windows 95.

£50+ For a game isn't that bad to be honest if it promises to deliver, unless you'd prefer laying the smack-down on some Pink-Haired gnomes riding on the backs of giant kittens in a world of fantasy then I think you'll pay the man and get on with shouting down a microphone at someone half the world away as you announce in such a fashion that you be, up in their base, killing their men, Golden D-Eagle in hand, stating you the (wo)man.

Indeed you are

(Being all Politically Correct and stuff there, Yeah I feel you ladies... Well not since the Court Order.)

The whole pricing bracket thing is a little strange for the console market at-least anyway, P.C Owners have been having the best of times compared to their more casual counter-parts for years, seeing as they initially pay less than the happy console owner, for a version of the game which has far more option for growth compared to a console and with the benefit of community development, mods, patches and the like coming to PC owners far faster and more abundantly than any console user would ever hope to receive.

Even the explosion of Down loadable Content available on each of the consoles networks pale in comparison to the choice open to a PC Gamer.

On the other hand the awesome-sauce behemoth with a constant flow of liquid-nitrogen pumped into it causing the local grid to fluctuate with every mouse click, whilst having your living room turned into a refrigeration unit to keep things running cool, and the need to dress in a Russian winter get-up every-time you want to bust out some Solitaire, might not be within every ones price budget.

If you decide to go down the PC gaming route, hell if your going to do it.. you at-least blow enough cash on it to help cure hunger in a third world country.

Guess I'll start saving up those pennies then, either that or I can sell a kidney.. or your kidneys

I wonder if they have a Organ-Merchant section on E-bay, Fun times.

Anyway it's late, I'm drifting around topics, my drink is no longer fizzy and I'm contemplating Organ Harvesting as a form of non-taxable-income.

Well there is a "Recession" on I guess, gotta" earn them monies somehow.

Well it's either that or benefit fraud.. *Shudder*

Or a street corner.

Awesome.

Hazmat Suit, Check... Disinfectant, Check... Shotgun...

2009-07-26T18:17:00.001+01:00

The day was drawing to a near, the light outside was dimming slightly and the toil of the day's business had left me, for soon.. soon it would all be over.. and the warm embrace offered by my family would be there to comfort me once more, the confines of home.

I smiled at her as she approached.. ready with her items she wished to purchase.

I partook in my usual shop banter as I had my way with her goods, a crisp twenty was exchanged for services rendered, bagged up and away she was with nothing but the joy of digital entertainment within her mind!

And the day was done.

I remember those day's..

That's what it was like before..

Before the Great Swine Flu Pandemic of 09

Where as before I would skip along to work in my uniform pressed and ironed, name badge and all, ready to serve the needy public with their entertainment needs.

Offering advice and opinion's at every corner, spending time with them to make sure what they wanted was actually what they needed!

No More...

Now perhaps I will find myself wearing a face mask and gloves in an attempt to curb the spread of the ever encroaching plague upon this land, sure it might hamper customer service a little bit but you count your money.. money the previous person could have so ever so graciously emptied the content's of their nose upon, then bite deeply into your sandwich.

Juicy!

Nom Nom Nom Indeed.

-------------------------

Friends and family have come under attack from this piggy-related menace, having to call up Government Helplines for advice and desperately needed medication, to aid against this wildfire contagion.

Only to find out they don't quite have the Swine, but yet due to not being able to go the doctors for fear of spreading it further end up having an allergic reaction to the emergency medication instead, off to hospital they go.. possibly to return with Swine Flu only to infect the rest of us.

Awesome Plan Mr. Chief Health Advisor Marshall Man!

Like with terror threats and global warming this is something else that's been badly soloutionized (A made up word..? Perhaps... it felt right.. let's go with it) by our beloved overlords

Ah well, you've got to die of something.

I'd rather it be that than say being impaled on a replica star-wars light saber.

It'd devalue it :(

On a final note:

1. Wash your hands after handling money.

2. If someone's going to sneeze near you, a swift elbow to the face is the ultimate snot blocker

3. Designer Face-Masks are totally going to be all the rage, so start investing now!

Every Failure Starts With Good Intentions

2009-07-21T00:01:00.000+01:00

Sitting here you have been, for many a month now.. waiting patiently for me to fill you with content.

So plain you are my little domain without any pretty graphics or a niche to entice in those many many visitors of whom you so crave!

Don't worry my precious soon you'll have purpose, if all else fails I'll sell you to some sort of estranged person with a love for foxes.

What to do with you I wonder!

Perhaps I should fill you with the incoherent rantings of an emotionally scarred salesman filled with such hate and discontent for his fellow man!

or a blog about fluffy puppies with the bushy, bushy tails and the many misadventures they have involving toilet paper and paint.

Oh what fun you shall have as the eye's of many scan you for tit-bits of information to further better their ever so important lives!

Joy!

So much to think about... layouts, font, content, design, audience!

Ho, Hum, Decisions.

Subject Change

On another note, my tea is cold and I still have a biscuit for dipping

Madness...

This does not bode well

Sleep Beckons!